[Psycho Mantis.]

DJ Ozma - это сборник альтер-эго. Помимо Озмы и проекта с The Tunnels (Yazima Beauty Salon) он считается лидером рок-группы Kishidan, хотя это только неподтвержденные слухи. Не человек, а загадка. Прекрасно Он чем-то напоминает Шую)

@темы: японское, просвещение: музыка

Comments

[Ainsel The Misanthrope]

Hey! Sorry to write here, but I kind of still can't write in my own journal, so... because not writing in it doesn't mean not reading what's in it... ok it meant for first not touching it at all, but I grew very bored so I read your comment left in 'Chill out'... So if you don't mint I'll answer here. Of course, with the hope you will excuse me because it's absolutely off topic to comment here but still... :P

First of all, I should really thank for explaining the differences in terms (asocial, antisocial etc). It really was helpful because I don't bump into these much, but I think you'll understand...oh yeah secondly - milkshakes... no comments, just it was fun to talk about it. Now I'm kind of amazed, I never talked about milkshakes to anybody... XD

Hey, who's psychologist here? xD [...] You don't seem to get the point of my state [...]
have you ever heard of the opinion and a rule in a way, that doctors can't heal themselves because they would be to impartial? XD but you're absolutely right I'm not a psychologist so my so called concerns or what so ever may seem to you really foolish (as they also may seem so to myself later on, if I rethink about them). But maybe it's the case when I try to cheer someone and myself by jumping to conclusions that there are always hope in the pile of shit, but in reality there are non...what a pity...
About your state... It's not that I don't understand it, it's more like I don't admit, accept it. But aside from my disbelieve (permanent disbelief, though) maybe I get the point not of the full tragedy of the situation, but personally, believe that I understand the big part of it (maybe not the biggest). (BTW don't pester with the 'tragedy' part XD it's only expression of mine)
Every person is the gear, so every one, as the gear, no matter who they are should keep the harmony with the system (society).This it my theory. In my opinion if you try to contradict it it only would lead to the self-destruction, but it's probably my case not yours. Though sometimes I don't believe it myself...

see white shadows by the corner of the eye or dark shadows, like someone's passing by
heh... I knew that you didn't meant it as ironical or bully, it's because I read everything in that manner I mean with irony and sarcasm and because of that most of the time when I talk and can't see face expression...oh in short when I read I first of all accept the text as ironical and then think of proper interpretation of it... XD never successfully though XD but this time I understood it right, but still I had to pick on it :P
white shadows you say maybe it's the good spirit which try not to possess you but protect? As for me I see the dark ones, maybe even black... but still I think it's because of the shadows and my wide imagination...
The exorcist. Yeah I saw it... brr... when reading the part about possessing demon in your comment, before you meant the exorcist, I remembered the scene from this movie XD gosh this one beats the shit out of the mind... But you the bed shaking... I wouldn't ever want to experience something as such. But the shaking itself my occur in one of the sleep stages. I'm afraid to lie now, but I think it's in the REM, yap it's in the REM (rapid - eye - movement) stage when low muscle movement could be seen. You have the cat and the dog so when they are asleep you may see haw they are running in their sleep so the similar, I presume, was in your case. Though, it was strong enough to wake you up. It is possible, like the cases when people are asleep but feel that they are being pressed by someone, but in reality it their own body weight :P But I think you know this ) heh it was interesting to remember it :P
heh, sometimes now, especially after having a sound - based nightmare, I sleep with the night lamp on :P But at the moment, when my cat it back it fine, no problems. As the cat's are the keepers of dead, but you surely know the Egyptian concept :P

lool Okay, nice to hear and stuff but that's a distant impression from me, as well as I have distant impression of you
yeah I think it's sometimes good to be told warm things, though, most of the time I hate to say them XD so please treasure it even if it's distant. Maybe by keeping stuff like this, words like this person can become better in a way... I wonder... If one could change in a way when one not acts like it but unconsciously is the same rotten man, but to change unconsciously?

And, erm, do you ever read my journal? I actually write personal stuff there, including panic attacks issue recently x)
This one was the reason I wrote here. XD actually I tried to read your journal and not for once, BUT. But that moody-green as a background spoiled everything.. letters started to merge and all XD I have good sight but very sensitive sight and it grows worse. But this violet is good, very calm and neutral so I think I'll give your journal another chance XD but it's a matter of time. As my returning to my journal...

I think I'll end up here. I thought I believe I could write more but, I kind of feel uneasy writing here out of space and without permission. In a way the expression similar as disturbing the sleep of very tired man... So I beg your pardon because I couldn't restrain myself from this temptation

[Psycho Mantis.]

Ainsel The Misanthrope

Of course, with the hope you will excuse me because it's absolutely off topic to comment here but still... :P

Hey, no problem, it's very unexpected and nice to get a comment from you. I already started to wonder when you'll show up Feel free to drop a comment anytime and anywhere, it's not a big deal if it's off-topic or not

Now I'm kind of amazed, I never talked about milkshakes to anybody... XD

Hahah, me neither actually o_O Oh, I found strawberry in the fridge couple of days ago and did home milkshake lol Maybe it's more of a coctail but still, tasty *___* xD

But maybe it's the case when I try to cheer someone and myself by jumping to conclusions that there are always hope in the pile of shit, but in reality there are non...what a pity...

Oh, I didn't realize this, I'm sorry. Thanks for a wish to help I'm always opened to new suggestions, it's just I already tried something myself so I know what I'm talking about. But indeed there's a chance to find or at least to try some solution so say whatever you want. I won't be angry or anything - the stuff other people say always makes me think about, I'm too curious about everything

About your state... It's not that I don't understand it, it's more like I don't admit, accept it. But aside from my disbelieve

You have an impression I fake it or lie? Hm, that's pretty interesting because I can't see myself well from the point of another person. I know I act contradictory but it doesn't reflect full impression, everything I do responds to a specific logic of mine and I don't know how to explain the reasons of my acts. But speaking of being asocial (we were talking about it, right?) I kind of automatically turn myself off from outside world the moment when I step into it. I don't know the reasons, I can't explain them but when I'm outside I'm not really myself, I distance myself. But when I feel safe I am me. This stuff makes me think what are the reasons of such complex and weird behavior and I believe the key lies in weird childhood past. You know the story of my family, if you were surprised to believe it - I survived it and it definitely affected on me, I still remember what my mother told me those early years. But there are things child's ear shouldn't really hear till he grow up. Maybe after those words or maybe before them I became who I am. I can't really remember but I remember even when I was little I disliked to play on the street with children I didn't know. I could sit at home and find something more interesting to do.
I need time to get used to people, then I start to feel at ease with them (I mean not general people but particular). Internet is much more simple place to communicate but I won't lie - I get tired from internet chatting from time to time and even start to hide from people lol But even if I do it later please don't take it personal. I just need time to recuperate

Every person is the gear, so every one, as the gear, no matter who they are should keep the harmony with the system (society).This it my theory. In my opinion if you try to contradict it it only would lead to the self-destruction, but it's probably my case not yours. Though sometimes I don't believe it myself...

Heheh, you're actually right And I do feel the pressure of the system, especially of those who surround me because they expect something I can't give. And I will not succumb to their opinions to satisfy them, otherwise I'll be unhappy and broken. Happiness isn't really my goal, I don't know what it is, but freedom - yes. Freedom is joy. But as for self-destruction I don't think it's always like that. Yes, society crushes the ones who are different from it. But it's not always successful. In my case, I believe I'm lucky and happy because I just don't care. I may feel sad sometimes but generally I don't give a shit what they are thinking and I can survive anything. But I have a problem - I need to learn how to control myself and do the things in time. Otherwise I'll remain a Fool like from Tarot cards. So when I'll resolve all my issues I guess I can be invincible lool But that's a long road I just stepped on

oh in short when I read I first of all accept the text as ironical and then think of proper interpretation of it... XD never successfully though XD but this time I understood it right, but still I had to pick on it :P

Oh, I'll tell you a secret: I'm pretty harmless, I won't hurt a fly xD Especially if it's a serious matter. Talk about ghosts, UFO, fourth dimension, religious miracles, whatever - I can read anything and even think about it. I know the world is more complex than it seems and I like to read such stories and opinions Recently I had a strange situation at night again. It was 3 am and the phone started to ring. I picked up but there was only silence. Then again and again, with different intervals - sometimes after couple of minutes, sometimes just exactly the moment I put it down it started to ring. How's that possible? Then I decided to be silent and try to hear what was on the other side of the phone, but there was deadly silence. Only some technical crack sounds but it even despite that it sounded totally silent, like there was no one out there. I didn't think of anything, I was angry someone bothered me at night but when I returned to bed somehow the feeling of fear have conquered me. It was out of nowhere and without a reason, just a heavy feeling in the chest and I needed some time to calm down. Next day my mom called these night calls the "calls from the other world" and said it was that stepfather who called. I read something like that, that dead try to connect with us and sometimes they use phone, some can talk easily and some have problems with "breaking through" into our world. Well, maybe it's all just coincidences, but it's still very creepy. Fuck the calls, that feeling of fear out of nowhere was nasty x__x Don't dead people have better ways to connect with us, like dreams or just telepathically sending thoughts to us (it's also possible)? Calling at night is creepy! x)

maybe it's the good spirit which try not to possess you but protect?

Too bad I'm scared to ask him or her xD I remember when me and my friend were in countryhouse and we decided to call a spirit. We decided it would be... Joan of Arc for a test %) Stupid kids. We didn't have any tool to do it and we drank beer before it... So we were joking a bit and thought we failed. But when we got outside to smoke the clear sky turned into rainy and there was this strong smell of pepper everywhere we went (the smell followed us for couple of days I believe). We took some pictures of ourselves for fun and at one of them I look somewhere in the sky but it was at night so there was total darkness and I didn't see anything. And so when we got the pictures, above me, just in the place I was looking at there was a string of light. Later after 5 years maybe there was a picture in newspaper from Easter in Jerusalem, they showed a temple and it was full of the same strings of light. The comment below the picture told they thought to be spirits as far as I remember. That newspaper gave me creeps! Recently I read a book about past lives and dead people also see themselves as strings of light. The thing is, we were lucky we called only Joan of Arc. No matter how we joked and stuff, we respected her and later I even wrote a poem to her as sort of apology and also dedication to her. And our luck she seemed a good person because such things aren't jokes. We wanted to call for some nazis at first but decided to call Joan as test because we believed she was good. We had luck she didn't burn our asses right there The things from other world... they are dangerous, especially when we know so little about them. So since that time nothing can make me come close to these things, never ever! %)) There were unlucky stories with that, so I consider us lucky.

As for me I see the dark ones, maybe even black... but still I think it's because of the shadows and my wide imagination...
You should think about good stuff more. Especially since you enjoy daydreaming like me x) Imagine people are better than they are and there's somewhere a friend who awaits certain hour and place to meet you. Imagine you give a present to a good friend of yours and expect nothing in return, you just want to make your friend happy. Would you feel better if that happened in real life? If yes then imagining stuff won't do a harm in therapeutic dosage If not imagine something that would make you fell good and stable. The point of this is to make you feel stronger in spirit and those who are strong in spirit have nothing to be scared. It's awful to feel alone when you're scared or confused so you have to be strong enough to confront your own self. It's all only about own self and not those dark spirits or whatever. Because the moment you lose to yourself, you lose to them. And forgive me if I say too abstract and not very helpful for you things, I can come up with better ideas during the conversation I just see the things in different light and hope to help as I can x))

.. But you the bed shaking...

It wasn't a bed, I was sleeping on the floor that time. So at first I thought it was an earthquake lool But slowly my mind started to wake up and I realized it was only me who was shaking. I can't tell the time it lasted for but it took some moments even since I was awake and standing on my feet. Weird. Never happened before and after.

[Psycho Mantis.]

It is possible, like the cases when people are asleep but feel that they are being pressed by someone, but in reality it their own body weight :P

Oh, there's even worse - a sleep paralysis. What a picture! o_O Hallucinations or not I woudn't like to experience this at all! lol

As the cat's are the keepers of dead, but you surely know the Egyptian concept :P

lol Yeah, maybe that's why I unconsciously prefer to have a cat near than dog Recently mom's friends gave us another dog as a gift T__T

yeah I think it's sometimes good to be told warm things, though, most of the time I hate to say them XD

Heheh, the same here It should be naturally, otherwise it's a torture to say them.

so please treasure it even if it's distant.

I do. Thank you. And actually better when it's distant I don't like when things get too personal x)

If one could change in a way when one not acts like it but unconsciously is the same rotten man, but to change unconsciously?

I'm a bit confused by this line. It's like here we are, freaks, but saying good things to each other we may mutually help? If that's the case, we aren't really rotten I believe Maybe, we're more human than human themselves. Because despite all the damage we received we managed to keep something good inside and it's not something we can easily throw away. Moreover, we share it and grow better for it. So yeah, changes are possible. Even inevitable. And it's a great luck to know and help each other

But that moody-green as a background spoiled everything.. letters started to merge and all XD I have good sight but very sensitive sight and it grows worse.

Hey, on my screen it was absolutely fine ~~ But I agree, the color was shitty and I'm glad I have better design now lool

But this violet is good, very calm and neutral

Aye, violet is a color of... ah, I said that before. Looks like I have a sclerosis already x) I'm glad you like it too because I'm just in love with it! o_O

but it's a matter of time. As my returning to my journal...

Is there a particular reason you can't return? I don't ask to name it though. But anyway, I kind of miss our little talks so I'm waiting for your return already lol

but, I kind of feel uneasy writing here out of space and without permission.

I'm afraid politeness will become our disease soon x) You are permitted to do anything you want and I can't stop you. I'm actually glad to receive a comment from you especially since you don't visit your journal. And here I am writing whole night an answer to you x) If you want to talk I'm always ready

[Ainsel The Misanthrope]

Sorry it took me really long to cope with my mind to type you an answer! and what's annoying I'm doing this the third time! past two times I succeeded in deleting the whole text after I almost finished it!!! So and I hope the third time's a charm!

I'm always opened to new suggestions, it's just I already tried something myself so I know what I'm talking about.
I thought so ) you see I often am afraid of saying something really stupid, and as a matter of fact I often do. Though, when I write stuff I have the chance of rethinking it! )
Anyway, I think some of the suggestions people give you may see the positive side, something warm but now when I think about it... Do you feel the warmth of the words or maybe you try to distant from this? In fact, I often distant myself and wrap myself in misery and the stuff like 'people are bad from nature' XDD

You have an impression I fake it or lie? Hm, that's pretty interesting because I can't see myself well from the point of another person.
No! I just am hard in trusting people ) and of course, especially when I can't see ones XD So I think it's in a way natural :P Though you sound really honest.

I kind of automatically turn myself off from outside world the moment when I step into it. I don't know the reasons, I can't explain them but when I'm outside I'm not really myself, I distance myself. But when I feel safe I am me.
This resemble me the mask people wear outside, maybe this is one of yours? 'the mask of distance'. It sounds as self defence from the outside world...somehow XD

Internet is much more simple place to communicate but I won't lie - I get tired from internet chatting from time to time and even start to hide from people lol But even if I do it later please don't take it personal. I just need time to recuperate
Yeah I understand this part really well, though, I don't have problems communicating in the outside ) but in a way it's more tiresome communicating in the outside world than in virtual. And this exhaustion... this short vocation from writing in here, I think it's one of the reasons that I got really tired and had to keep something inside me, so that it could grow and I wont become something... don't really know how to say it, but hope you understand ) though I wrote to you because I really missed our talks
Ah and if something, it would be nice if you leave a notice so I could know that you're off for some time, if it's in a middle of the chat or smth :PP but honestly, it's all up to you, and this thing here is only my suggestion not a pursue of course

Happiness isn't really my goal, I don't know what it is, but freedom - yes. Freedom is joy.
So what is the difference between the happiness and joy? I think that happiness is the opposite of the sadness, though the joy is the element of happiness... Though, if you feel the joy you feel the happiness. And if you deny happiness you deny joy, though if you deny joy the happiness is still the functioning matter in you...
[Happy – having feelings of pleasure, for example because something good has happened to you or you are very satisfied with your life. Opposite – sad (Longman exam coach)]
[Joy – great happiness and pleasure. Synonym - delight. (Longman exam coach)]
Oh my... In a very way I was right... No wonder I got the maximum from my logics test
XD
So still the question. Feeling the freedom... what it is. Is it the way of feeling the happiness or joy?
Btw I got the star card… Don’t know is it good or bad but sounded really attractive. Heh.

Oh, I'll tell you a secret: I'm pretty harmless, I won't hurt a fly xD Especially if it's a serious matter.
You know people say that impotents are harmless though I read the case when one raped the man using the lazda… So all in all, this one wasn’t were convincing XD
But to get serious, what do you mean by that ‘harmless’? You know today I remembered when I locked one post and you sounded really scary with that stuff ‘why you locked it?..’ XD but rethinking things… I don’t know why I mentioned this…
Sorry today I’m such an airhead…
UFO you say… XD you know yesterday I was hanging out with a friend and one black guy handed us the flyer telling that everything on earth was created by the UFO’s called elohims XD Oh god, this was really something.. XD

Fuck the calls, that feeling of fear out of nowhere was nasty x__x
I get the impression, I believe I felt the very same when I got that sound based nightmare... Creeps me out to remember it...
But you know… I kind of don’t want to support the idea that the dead are trying to connect with the people trough the calls… It’s so… um uh… uncool… XDDD Though, maybe telepathic abilities got out of fashioned in the other world? XD certainly, I think that it’s not as convincing as it used to be. Think of it, getting the message while sleeping, you’ll think of it just as an ordinary dream. Or it would be considered as the stuff like when idiots convince other that they are being snatched by the aliens… O.K. I started writing garbage XDD don't mention it XDD

I remember when me and my friend were in countryhouse and we decided to call a spirit.
Madness... How could I comment on this XD though, when I was a kid we used to call the dwarfs (more like pixies as I think now)... in the toilet XD
It would be interesting to see the photo of that temple, maybe you have the link?

Imagine people are better than they are and there's somewhere a friend who awaits certain hour and place to meet you. Imagine you give a present to a good friend
I often do so, and because of this it hurts me even more when I have to return to reality. Dreaming became the part of my life and if I got lost in those dreams I got confused and troubled... But at those times, reality becomes even harder for me. Imagining friends, lovers, happy lives, adventures... though, the reality isn't something that could shine out bright not in this life. But I am a fool, I am a fool who is longing for happiness and can't reach it because I destroy the bridges myself, but I still hope and long for it...and I hate it...

[Ainsel The Misanthrope]

lol Yeah, maybe that's why I unconsciously prefer to have a cat near than dog Recently mom's friends gave us another dog as a gift T__T
Don't wory, dog's a friend, cat's a master XD and as you know, dogs are the keepers of the live, so I think they would protect form another world so even if I'm left alove with my dog I'm not so afraid when I'm alone ) lol maybe it's childish...

I'm a bit confused by this line. It's like here we are, freaks, but saying good things to each other we may mutually help?
Hahaha XD never thought I would get so annoyed because I can't understand it XD but no it's not that we're freaks XD hm... O.K. I'll try to explai it
If one could change in a way when one not acts like it but unconsciously is the same rotten man, but to change unconsciously?
We have here a man who is rotten inside, and he knows it. Because of this self awareness he tries to change himself and in a way he succeeds but still the main string here is that no one can change themselves. Conclusion, the man is rotten inside though when he's with other individuals this shit in him is not visible XD
Cool I succeeded XD


Hey, on my screen it was absolutely fine ~~ But I agree, the color was shitty and I'm glad I have better design now lool
I don't think it's a screen I believe I looked upon your notes while being at the university and the color was the same, so it's my dear eyes XDD

And here I am writing whole night an answer to you x)
What do you mean by 'I'm writing whole night..' you stayed up to answer me? O_o

If you want to talk I'm always ready
heh thanks, honestly I really appreciate it. And you know in a way I sometimes want to talk to you really badly sometimes it pops to my head, oh it would be nice to discuss this or that to you )

[Psycho Mantis.]

and what's annoying I'm doing this the third time! past two times I succeeded in deleting the whole text after I almost finished it!!!

That's a reason I always copy&paste my answers to you into Word. Especially when they exceed the limit of one message. Take that in mind, it's helpful

you see I often am afraid of saying something really stupid, and as a matter of fact I often do. Though, when I write stuff I have the chance of rethinking it! )

I know what you mean I often think I say stupid things. But then I think the people I communicate with aren't of my circle, I feel a lot better among creative people but I know very few of them. I guess it's the same for you, it's hard to find understanding people since, well, we're so special ) And so far you've proved yourself as an interesting person to talk to, so no worries

Do you feel the warmth of the words or maybe you try to distant from this? In fact, I often distant myself and wrap myself in misery and the stuff like 'people are bad from nature' XDD

lol Well, I don't wrap myself in misery but I feel weird and uncomfortable when someone's saying something supportive, even though I realize friendly intention. I'm just used to cope with everything myself and I don't like someone's 'interference' into my introverted world. But I think without support I'd feel a bit lonely. It's like no one is interested in your problem or even you, not that it changes anything still. But even if I can't fully accept the words of support I'm still grateful for those worries and friendly care. It's great to hear those words

No! I just am hard in trusting people ) and of course, especially when I can't see ones XD So I think it's in a way natural :P

I see Well, you're entitled to your opinion and whatever you think is none of my concern. I don't want it to sound like I'm offended or anything, I am not I guess I'm too indiffirent and that makes me look suspicious lol But this is what I am anyway

This resemble me the mask people wear outside, maybe this is one of yours? 'the mask of distance'. It sounds as self defence from the outside world...somehow XD

It's my social anxiety but you could put it in that way too I guess. Yesterday I was standing in a crowd in a bank and despite I tried to calm myself I couldn't relax and be just natural. I think I could have more friends if I wasn't behaving like a malfunctioned robot and could be more open. But amount of friends isn't what I care about. In fact I don't know what I care about at all. Well, maybe an inner balance, I wish to achive it and never lose it

And this exhaustion... this short vocation from writing in here, I think it's one of the reasons that I got really tired and had to keep something inside me, so that it could grow and I wont become something... don't really know how to say it, but hope you understand )

Yes, and you know, I just came here after short hiatus, started answering comments and I feel exhausted again because it takes so much time and energy to talk with all these different people lol Don't get me wrong, I like them but they all are different and talk about different stuff. Sometimes it can be too much for me. I guess my amounts of energy reduce all the time, I'm getting tired too quickly :/ And don't take it personally, I still love our talks that soon will surpass War and Peace in length

Ah and if something, it would be nice if you leave a notice so I could know that you're off for some time, if it's in a middle of the chat or smth :PP but honestly, it's all up to you, and this thing here is only my suggestion not a pursue of course

Okay I was on hiatus while you were absent but now I'm back again. And looks like you're back too, that's good

So still the question. Feeling the freedom... what it is. Is it the way of feeling the happiness or joy?

Still the joy. I think happiness lasts longer and is more powerful than joy. I dunno if I can be ever happy, usually I'm very blank lol

You know people say that impotents are harmless though I read the case when one raped the man using the lazda… So all in all, this one wasn’t were convincing XD

Nice story xDD I wouldn't believe impotents as well, they can be too eager to return their 'abilities' lol

But to get serious, what do you mean by that ‘harmless’? You know today I remembered when I locked one post and you sounded really scary with that stuff ‘why you locked it?..’ XD

Did I? xD I didn't mean to, I was just a bit worried And by harmless I mean harmless I tend to avoid conflicts and nasty situations. If I don't I regret about that after. I dislike hurting people, it's too much for my whacked conscience 8) Call me a fucked up Buddhist monk xD

UFO you say… XD you know yesterday I was hanging out with a friend and one black guy handed us the flyer telling that everything on earth was created by the UFO’s called elohims XD Oh god, this was really something.. XD

lol I imagine There are a lot of such 'versions' that our life was created by some alien race, that's what 'people who met aliens' tell. Couldn't care less, they sound like religious fanatics

Think of it, getting the message while sleeping, you’ll think of it just as an ordinary dream. Or it would be considered as the stuff like when idiots convince other that they are being snatched by the aliens… O.K. I started writing garbage XDD don't mention it XDD

lol You are right about dreams, they are not very convincing. But a telephone talk with the dead will definitely sober any skeptic xD Also you can talk with dead by asking questions and recording a silence, then change the frequency using PC and hear the answers. Never did that, it sounds too nasty to me lol It reminded me one game, a quest call 'Dark Fall', it had ghost trains, tapes with ghost talking, weird footsteps etc. Very creepy. But I love it

How could I comment on this XD though, when I was a kid we used to call the dwarfs (more like pixies as I think now)... in the toilet XD

lool Any luck? xD

It would be interesting to see the photo of that temple, maybe you have the link?

I tried to find it, it was inside a newspaper 2-4 years ago but had no luck. I'll try to search later, maybe I have to change the keywords. Found lots of other pics but they were totally normal, heh.

But I am a fool, I am a fool who is longing for happiness and can't reach it because I destroy the bridges myself, but I still hope and long for it...and I hate it...

You have to come in terms with yourself and you will in the future. We have to get through something to shape ourselves and if we're intelligent enough we succeed, if not we suffer more. The root of the problem lies within you and knowing yourself you may solve your problems. Eck, you know what I think? I think we have a bad karma :o lol

and as you know, dogs are the keepers of the live, so I think they would protect form another world so even if I'm left alove with my dog I'm not so afraid when I'm alone ) lol maybe it's childish...

My dogs don't do anything except pissing everywhere they can ~~ I think my cat is the only creature with brains among them %)

Cool I succeeded XD

Uhm, then it's like when we speak we tend to look better than we are? Today I'm sleepy and stupid, sorry

What do you mean by 'I'm writing whole night..' you stayed up to answer me? O_o

Yep, that answer took several hours for me but that's fine

heh thanks, honestly I really appreciate it. And you know in a way I sometimes want to talk to you really badly sometimes it pops to my head, oh it would be nice to discuss this or that to you )

Now it's my turn to doubt myself: never thought I could be a valued talker x) Sure, I'm always opened to discussions. We're back and ready for some talks )

Hey, you know I bought an electric guitar Just wanted to share my, uhm, happiness lol It's amazing what this babe can do. Never thought guitars are so much fun But I'm still a bass-player anyway )

[Ainsel The Misanthrope]

Hey, congrats for your purchase! ) I'll boast a bit too XD I have bought a Marimo a couple of weeks ago :P It's round, it's green and it's super cool XD heh sorry :P

You know there's been a matter of my so called return to writing... I don't know what or when but it turned out that I won't be writing here... for long... I've deleted all my crap there (so naturally our dialogues too), but I still have them saved in my pc, though...
So.... the thing is that it would be a pity if our little talks would end like this... I really don't know for how long I'll be absent this time... It may be even the whole year, or it may turn so that I will delete my diary... Actually the only thing that stops me are those chats we have.
Anyway, for the time being I'll leave it be like that. Maybe until we'll come up with alternative to it (if we ever will). I don't want to sound like pesky or smth. It's all up to you. If you feel like you have no profit in these talks or if it doesn't really matter I don't mind.

Oh yeah I also have a request, I hope you don't mind it.
I want your permission to use our chats, maybe not all some contents from them, some ideas etc... If you don't mind I'll use them in my writings. I started writing something really important to me, not that it would be published somewhere or smth (or I'll finish it :P ), but still I consider it not nice to use something without permission of the other party... (of man did the law studies had made me like this? XD ) So this one again is all up to you to decide, to allow me to borrow ideas (oh yeah, also to paraphrase smth, purposely misinterpret or just misinterpret them :P )

So... can I, can I? Pretty please ^^

That's a reason I always copy&paste my answers to you into Word. Especially when they exceed the limit of one message. Take that in mind, it's helpful
Yup, I tried doing so, but in the end I just can't cope up to end... Every time I read the crap I've written I want to change smth... and in the end it stays in recycle bin....

I see Well, you're entitled to your opinion and whatever you think is none of my concern.
Thanx ) I believe no other comment would be better

Call me a fucked up Buddhist monk xD
Hmm.... sound gayish... XD heh, sorry :P

Also you can talk with dead by asking questions and recording a silence, then change the frequency using PC and hear the answers.
You know... I tend to read the diary at night...So after reading the stuff like this in our chat's...It just beats the shit out of me later... lol I'm such a coward XD But yeah I heard this somewhere... Not particularly the field I'd be eager to practise in... XD

lool Any luck? xD
Every time )

'll try to search later, maybe I have to change the keywords.
It doesn't matter if you can't find it ) Maybe it's better for me not to see the stuff like that XD

Eck, you know what I think? I think we have a bad karma :o lol
O_O no don't day so! I still dream of becoming an actress, the well known one... And the one who will star with Johnny Deep someday... and maybe Al Pacino... and maybe Gackt... Oh you! Bad-ass, you've ruined all my dreams with just one sentence! XD Oh my... got carried away...again XD

My dogs don't do anything except pissing everywhere they can ~~ I think my cat is the only creature with brains among them %)
Yeah when my was young she used to leave her poop on the carpet... Though, maybe the difference in our dogs are 'cause my s big XD

Uhm, then it's like when we speak we tend to look better than we are?
Not really but something similar

Now it's my turn to doubt myself: never thought I could be a valued talker x)
Pff moron, if you wouldn't I wouldn't be wasting my time writing here XD

Hm... I guess it's all for this time... See ya :P